The Stars are Comin out Tonight'

Hello fellow readers, avid fans, curious passerbyers!

Well where do we start

On this continuation of life.

I've had a strange few years. I've been bruised and broken, iv'e been beaten by life. But i've been on the road to recovery.


"Haters keep on hating, cause somebody's gotta do it."
 (Chris Brown)#

I've met someone special.

Shame she can't see it yet.

Keep moving forward.
Because after all.
Isn't that what you were doing all along?

Theres no excuses my friend, let's push things forward

On this Sunday evening, I'm wondering if this blog is going to have much of a topic.

I've been working hard in the community the past 6 weeks and have 1 week left to go. I've been learning a lot and helping some people, that part of my life makes me feel satisfied.

I'm going out most weeks now, slowly adapting to the game. It feels immoral and unnatural but I feel better about myself. Rather than a steady borderlien depression, i'm having medium ups and medium downs. Which is better? I think the latter, just.

I'm meeting a lot of people, and im glad to say that they are not all the same. some people are querky, like I can be, some people are boring, like I can be.

I need to gain just 1 more stone. I gained 3 last year. just one more and then I cam start to become my Peter Patrelli liek alias. I will find my Zahir.

To quote a commercial song for once, song by Journey.

Doon't stop believinggggg, hold on to that feeling.

Etc etc.

And i'm 22 now.

What a jolly post this was, calm before the storm? Lets hope not.

New Year - New start? No chance.

To most people, New Years is one of a few things

1) A chance for a new start - to make promises and to try to live their life with a new perspective, new goals.

2) A chance to start afresh, and forget the past year.

3)A chance to get pissed.

I have no problem with 1) people who believe that the new year is a new start, they take up gym memberships, quit smoking, truly believe they are going to embark on a brand new start in this new year.

However, most people, as soon as February and March comes, cancel that gym membership, buy that fresh packet of cigarettes, and go back to their abusive ex lover, falling into their old traps.

For those in category number 2. Fair enough. Some things happen over the course of the year that we must try to block out and get over.

And to those 3) who see it as an excuse to get pissed then um, yeah, nice one.

I don't want to sound like a overly optimistic twat, but I believe that every day can be a new start, and is certainly a new opportunity, but telling that to most people just gets the reaction of rolled eyes and blank stares.

So no, I don't like new years in its entirety, but if it helps you, then so be it.

May you be granted a journey of renewal and hope; a time of prayer and reflection

Community nursing and what not to watch

So I started my #4Th placement last Monday. Community nursing.

Going to peoples houses and...talking to them? Seeing if there is something wrong...I think?

I'm being looked after by two mentor's, they re both very similar. They overwhelm me with information and then I cannot think what to ask, what to say, what to comment. I end up with 'oh really? oh OK' and feel a bit of an idiot. They said I need to ask more questions, but I don't quite know what to ask.

Is it my fault or theirs? Both.

I should have a greater subject knowledge by now, but having said that, all of my other mental health placements have been in a mental health hospital, actually looking after patients

Community nursing is completely different, so it feels as though I'm having to learn and to start all over again. It's very similar to social work. I do Not want to be a social worker.

I have gained confidence, but the bar just keeps getting higher. I'll appreciate this in a few years time, no doubt.

Anyway.

Do not watch paranormal activity. I sat through it, laughed and mocked it.But it seems it's left a subconscious chilling feeling in me. I keep waking up and thinking threes a spirit in the room. My dreams seem cursed too.

One time a few years ago, I had a dream which I don't remember what happened, I only know the feeling. A feeling of real dread, it was chilling. I believe I experienced a small, minuscule feeling of evil.

In the next week I felt an overpowering good feeling in a dream, again which I cannot remember. My whole body was tingling and I woke up feeling ready for the world and feeling blessed. I believe I experienced a small, minute feeling of good.

I'm just plugging away at this now, working hard, playing a fair amount. Life will improve, just believe it.

Oh and, whoever you are, watch this. Your very much welcome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEkz1XK75XE

Learning to stop

..Before I hit the self-destruct button and there is no way back.

I admit I haven't been my nice, kind self lately. If I've hurt any of you I'm sorry.

I thought I had my priorities straight but they were self-destructive. I'm not averting back to the old me but I'm going to be a bigger and better Rob Gordon.

Give every aspect of my life the time and attention it deserves.

Give every person important to me in my life the time and attention they deserve.

You've never been selfish Rob, it doesn't suit you.

i

An enthusiastic heart sees oppourtunities everywhere

I have never been this down before.

But im not going to talk about it. I've done what Jack told me to. Closed my eyes.

Slowly count to 5. Let the pain take over you, but only for 5 seconds.

I'm looking to the future, and aiming for the stars.

So i'll gather my cap, gather my sword, and continue to be a warrior of light.

'You can't quit this life yet, you've got too much work to do'

Music

...Is a topic I rarely talk about.

I feel uncomfortable when a stranger asks me what music I am into, I feel slightly less when a friend discusses it with me.

Why? A question I was toying with the idea of answering; its a subject close to my heart, and by discussing it I open up my opinions for debate and that is not what I wanted, but as I warm to the idea of blogging, I feel it is best to talk about things close to my heart, things that make me..well..me.

First off I will discuss music that I like. I am eclectic in musical taste, I like rock music, I like rap music, I like classical music, there are very few genres of music I do not like.

I realise that I appreciate music on certain levels. I can appreciate a good pop song for being catchy, I can appreciate a good piece of classical music for its equizity and for the mood it creates.

However, I realise that what determines good music to me, is that I must identify where the artist(s) is coming from. I need to feel that they are sincere in their voice and their emotion; that they mean what they are singing. That they sing with passion.

I admire David Gray for the images conveyed by his powerful lyrics; I admire Damien Rice for the sheer passion and emotion he has in his voice. I admire Linkin Park, as I believe they truly mean the words they sing; re-calling emotional times they have been through in relationships, etc.

I am not ashamed to say of the music I like, but rather, topics about music create raw emotions within me, and often lead to me getting uncharacteristically angry and frustrated.

A pure example of this is Robbie Williams; people like him because he is a 'showman' he has a very bland voice, but he struts on stage and plays to the audience. Is he being emotive and passionate? Does he mean the lyrics he's singing IE(Bodies in the ...lemon tree, etc) No he does not, he is simply out to make some money and be liked.

It angers me to watch the X factor and the like - potential singers who are singing words that are of no importance to them, just so they can be on the cover of heat magazine and have a number 1 album.

Music is a very personal experience for a lot of people; and unfortunately at the moment it seems, the ones who are the least passionate and who can robotically produce single after single about 'shaking your booty' and 'If you can't get a girl but your best friend can it's time to move your body,' very much saddens me.

Maybe I'm getting older, and just a little bit bitter with how the world functions, but I wholeheartedly wish that artists with passion and words that you truly believe are coming straight from their heart and through their vocal cords, would get the recognition that they deserve. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go listen to Damien Rice singing the Blowers Daughter. Or David Gray singing 'alibi.' Even go and listen to Jay Z rapping about New York; at least he's passionate.

This has turned into a rant, I apologise, it was never intended to be.

' A bird sings because he has a song, not because he has an answer'