A guide to keep dirt on your hands.

A drab few days. Let's get bad news out of the way.

Sitting in the waiting room waiting for my handwash exam. Plain, nameless white uniform on. Flattering to neither the larger person, nor the skinny person. White, what is that to symbolise? White usually means purity, and unfortunatly, I am anything but.

A few friends came in, looking exactly the same, only shorter, and with curvey bits. Nice curvey bits. Quick monotone, stereotypical conversation about nerves and hating this sort of thing. And i'm called in.

This was it. I was disgarding any nice conversation, I was nervous, I told them. Awaiting some form of typical 'oh-dont-you-worry-about-it-sonny, you-will-be-fine' comment, which never came. Nerves still not settling.

As simple as it was, it was complex in theory. But there I was. Just me. And a sink. I find it quite strange that all my nerves and everybody elses nerves and tears can be born from just two tools. You and a sink.

Water on. Soap on. Gentle carressing of the hands. Doing all my hand movements. Paper towels all come out in a bundle. Large lady helps me out.

After just 1 minute im done. I give them the jazz hands. All done I say.

They sit me down, and talk among themselves for 2 minutes. I look at their marking sheet, all ticks..except one.

Them: How do you think you have done.

Rob (Slightly louder than I wanted): You missed out a tick.

They told me I hadn't done one certain type of hand procedure, I'd never done it, and I'd passed the practice ones. I find it harsh.

Them: You also failed because your wearing a white shirt underneath your uniform

Rob (Louder then I wanted again) You've gotta be kidding me.

And So I failed. As petty and pathetic as this failure was in terms of my other triumphs and defeats, it still got to me. But it also gave me that huge competitive streak that comes out only when I'm competing with myself.

The thoughts then spring to my mind. I have no need for this 'Skill' in my life. I have no interest in this. But that means it will present an even bigger challenge and obstacle to overcome. A small, but yet still, another string to my bow.

Congratulations to the 40% who did pass it though, you wanted it more than I did.